“DIARY OF AN INSECURE MAN”
Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” — John Allen Paulos
Insecurity
To some “uncertainty”
To others “Lack of confidence”
To me a step to “Self harm and torture”
As man when you have a woman you like
There are times you have this feeling
The urge to know everything she’s doing
The desire to know she has no other one but you
Woke one morning with my woman on the left side
Then I found myself in a hurricane of thoughts
So many questions running through my mind
Like how many male friends does she have ?Does she text any ?
Has she gone out with or is secretly seeing any?
Is she emotionally attached to any ?
What happens when I’m not with her ?
Does she get tapped from the back like I do her ?
Does she moan another man’s name like she does mine ?
The more I thought the deeper and scarier it became
Was like she gets all she needs what else does she want
As far as I’m concerned she wears the latest
I fuck her good, I give her quality time
So what more?
I said with a little noise
With reaction to the sound she moved a little
These questions kept on coming in like an open dam
The urge to pick up her phone came as well
The yearning for satisfaction to know she’s clean
The thirst for knowledge of the unknown
I got lost by her beautiful body sleeping next to me
Then it came again “Is she happy with me?” Or
Is she faking it?
Does she still love me?
I wasn’t. this worried till she got her new job
I mean I get home late and tired as well
I still want to please her
she’s been like “I’m tired” I think a week now
This last few questions held me at tight corners
I was like I know my baby “she’s never tired”
Always steadily boasting of tapping me out
But what changed, i , my, hands felt a little cold
Am I not her stallion anymore
Did I loose my horse power
I could sense the fear of betrayal
From my heavy chest
Still waiting for any sign to ease my mind
Still longing for that Relief that I was just tripping
Then she uttered from her sleep some gibberish
I could make up little
” I don’t want to go to work” she said
Was it planned ?
Was she aware of my troubled position
Or it was just a coincidence I asked myself
These words then came to me
What if? she loves only you
Cares for only you
Sees only you
Moans only your name
Sucks only your cock
What if? she was just too tired from work
She felt you’d understand as are days She did you
What if? Your are the only thing that keeps her sane
I felt disgust
If only humans could hear thoughts of others
How terrible and betrayed she’d be feeling right now.
I stood up to her side of the bed knelt by her
Kissed her forehead and said calmly “Forgive me”
About standing up
she already woke feeling my breath to hers
She pulled me softly to the bed and said
You need to eat this wet early morning coochie
Maybe then you’d grow a beard 😂😂😂
I love you I said.
So this piece was inspired by the male version of Luzick Diary Of An Insecure Lover & Zainab Balogun O. Dairy of An insecure lover. Thanks so much for this piece ❤️
